Patrick Covington is asking questions of the day, why is that our friends be in abusive relationships and come to us and cry and ask for advice, only to go back and take the person back and get beat even more. Then get mad when we don't want to hear it anymore! If a couple of gifts and head make you go back you need help that we can't offer. Mental shit!. What you guys think?
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You, Alicia PSlim Ray, Adrianne Owens, Carmen Renee and 2 others like this.
Alicia PSlim Ray, Adrianne Owens, Carmen Renee and 2 others like this.
Rivera Tracksmith Perkins at 10:17am June 1
Dang Pat u got some pretty good topics 2day....
James Davis at 10:22am June 1
Dude.. i can remember when my own MOTHER would call on us (my brothers) to come get the nigga that was abusing her... We would F()*&*#& dude UP!!! and tomorrow.. them knuckleheads back together.... my advice to people... STAY OUT OF IT!!!!! GIVE ADVICE AND KEEP IT MOVING!!!
Paula Hatton at 10:22am June 1 via Facebook Mobile
We actually had this conversation and they thought I was insensitive because I don't want you coming to me bogging my emotions down with things you don't want to change. Don't tell me you're getting beat up if you don't want help. That breaks my heart and knowing my friend is dealing with that would drive me crazy knowing there isn't anything I can do.
Aj Atl Murry at 10:24am June 1
its only one comment i can make to dat pat and dat is they go back cuz they just plain ignorant and dats just bein honest .
Adrianne Owens at 10:34am June 1
All of you guys comments are very opinionated which you are entitled too but I've been in an abusive relationship which lasted 5, almost 6 years, and it is never that simple. It has nothing to do with ignorance or being stupid or etc. It is a certain fear that has been put into your spirit that holds on to you mentally and physically for a long time until one day God steps in and you find a new found strength to move on. The person in the relationship who is being abused needs a shoulder to cry on. Whether you know it or not, you are doing a great deed and that is the best thing you can do for your friend is to listen....each time you listen and try to help, the concept gets embedded deeper and deeper into that person's soul. You may think you are not helping and you may get tired of hearing it but trust that it is breaking through the surface little by little. You are that person's will power and strength. This is a topic better suited for elsewhere-fb not long enuff. LOL!!!!!
Patrick Covington at 10:38am June 1
We can always take this over to the blog site once we finished.. We understand it is hard to leave. But gifts and I been dating so long should not being a factor. It needs to be because you fear your life!
Adrianne Owens at 10:38am June 1
I hear people say why dont she just leave or i dont see how someone can let him beat her...well, you consider urself a strong person but the abuser works on u mentally first and then once ur mental state has been broken, they work on u physically...each attack lessens who u r and takes a chunk out of who u r....by the time, you get to a certain point, ur a walking corpse...reality isnt reality anymore...i can go on and on about this so I'll stop cuz it's still fresh...only recently was I not ashamed to talk about it so I have alot to say.
LaShae Johnson at 10:41am June 1
I was in a situation like this b4. It's was a friend of mines and it was actually a guy being abuse. The only thing I told him was to make a desicion on his life and how he would like to live his life. I didnt want to turn him away and I didint want to feed him negative energy. But I did tell him that I dont want to be apart of his relationship with his friend, and that when we see each other the conversation should not be about his relationship.
Vandy Harris at 10:44am June 1
When a person loves someone more than they love God they will suffer the consequences. He is a jealous God and anyone who is in a situation of abuse they stay for the ultimate reason of LOVE, they don't love the abuse but they do love the abuser more than they love themselves or anyone else including the Lord above. So until people can get the power of the all mighty involved they will forever be stuck in the situations that they are in.
Patrick Covington at 10:45am June 1
People need to hear how it breaks you down because I think younger girls are being abused and they need a way out. Tell us how you got out.
Carmen Renee at 10:50am June 1
As a friend you are always caught between a rock and hard place whenit comes ot this subject!! Your friend comes to you because he/she feel they can trust you.They ask for help but do not want to take it but do get upset with you when you refuse as friend because you care to put up with their mess.. My question is do terminate your friendship with this person because they refuse to alleviate themselves for the negative situation. My problem is I care such much and I amn sick of being burned by selfish people!!
LaShae Johnson at 10:54am June 1
I'm gonna used my sisiter as an example she has 3 girls 2 of then are in high school 1 of them is a senior. I was at my sisiter's house yesterday for a family get together and me an my nieces talk alot about anything, they know they can come to me atell me anything and not be judged about. So my niece told me that she was dating on of the young men from church and told me that he started to be abusive to her mentally. She stated that she didnt want to be with him anymore simply because she already know her family is gonna go gorrilla on this nigga and second she has been tault that real men dont hit or mentally abuse women at all! So we as a generation have to teach the young folks that its not cool to do that.
Adrianne Owens at 10:57am June 1
Pat,We probably have to take it over to the blog spot to answer all these questions!!!
Adrianne Owens at 11:04am June 1
@vandy- u are absolutely right about loving God first....I was raised in the church and had faith and believed in God but I also believed that God would never put more on me than I could bare and everything happened for a reason...now that I am out of the situation, I know that all those beliefs were correct and now I know the real difference between good and bad everything...I didnt love myself enough to leave earlier...my self-esteem was already low & he made it worse so I was 2 far gone at that point...I used 2 say I wouldnt be one of those girls but u never knw wat path ur life will travel until u actually get to that place...this topic is so deep with me....Im not trying to sound insensitive 2 the friends persepective...just trying to enlighten on the victims feelings...
Patrick Covington at 11:05am June 1
we can keep talking because I don't think we all can get on blogspot at work.. So lets chat this up
Adrianne Owens at 11:07am June 1
@Pat When I half way left, he still abused me sending me 2 the hospital yet again even though we weren't living 2gether....when I looked in the mirror at the bruises on my body I realized I was gonna die by his hands and that wasnt something I wanted my kids, family, or me 2 go thru...got a restraining order and filed charges..he only did 2mths and got out but @ least I proved 2 myself that I had grown & will continue 2 grow...my life had begun...more to it but as I stated fb not long enuff.
LaShae Johnson at 11:08am June 1
Well Adrianne you made it! You had the courage to get out! No matter how long it took you are still here and you got out!
LaShae Johnson at 11:11am June 1
@Andrianne you made it! you made the afford to get out!
Adrianne Owens at 11:12am June 1
I never talked about what was going on with me completely to my friends or family...I omitted the really bad details and in a way I believe I tried to 4get as much as possible so pushed the grusome stuff in the back of my mind...once he told me---u think ur a battered woman--i knw niggas who really have battered women who they abuse the hell out of that was too much 4 me-i really knew he was crazy then...once he ramed my head in the wall so hard that i lost conscienceness! Im going to lunch now so i have 2 pick this up in about 45min...
Patrick Covington at 11:16am June 1
Girl you thank Almighty on that. I will post this on blog and we can pick up
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I will give you something to think about every day. "These are just my thoughts." Feel free to comment and share your thoughts but most important please pass the word.
3 comments:
I have a little story to tell. It will be sad but so true so bare with me as I tell it for the first time. Only because it seems that so many people have some jacked up ideas on what an abused person should and should not do am I telling this. I have never spoken of it and do not plan to speak of it ever again.
I do not wish to offend anyone or step on anyone's toes but obviously you guys need to hear it from an abusee's point of view and life events. This is a very true and emotional story for me but stay tuned.
It all started with an agument over who knows what. That's when the first smack came. My cousin called the police but instead of them doing their jobs, they wanted to be counselors but then again they were men. The abusers mom was called and yet again another counseling session. Instead of me leaving or making him leave at that moment, we decided to work it out. There were no gifts to be showered at that point. I had just moved into my own apartment so he came to live with me later. He cooked, cleaned, and used sex to apologize. The man waited on me hand and foot.
Each slap got harder and then it escalated to kicks, punches, and eventually small bruises. He was smart though. He never gave me a visible bruise. It would always be somewhere on my body that no one could see. I was a shattered individual.
I was never the same after any of that. I shut myself in and pulled myself away from anything that mattered at that point-family, friends, social life, etc. He made me feel ashamed, lonely, depressed, you name it. I felt like I had no one but how could I? I never let anyone know exactly what was going on. Don't get me wrong-there were a couple of times where I had to let someone know because the burden was too great for me alone. I needed someone to talk too. I needed someone to alleviate myself from all the pain. Just a quick relief was all I needed. Yes, I kept going back but it wasnt because of ignorance or stupidity. It was mainly because of fear. How do you escape someone or something that has made you feel like they will always find you and there was no escape.
Even now, he still is not completely out of my life. He makes it his business to contact me some kind of way or see me even if I don't see him. i call that a stalker for real who needs some serious help.
Anyway, back to the story. He cheated and beat me repeatedly. I used to think-I'm sitting here taking all these punches and the nigga cheats anyway. Funny how that works huh. Just to tell you a few stories:
I was 7 or 8 months pregnant with my son and we got into it. He wanted money and I wouldnt give him any. He slapped me across my face in my left ear so I slapped him back. He slapped again but harder this time so I slapped again harder. We did that about five times and then he finally stopped when i didnt slap back again. He told me I will give him anything he wanted or else. He pushed and shoved me all on the bed and into the wall. Mind you, I'm pregnant. He took the money and keys to my car and left. After a few minutes, I began to pack my things and called my best friend to come get me. She was shocked because she didn't really know what was going on for sure but always suspected.
She came and we left. After an hour or two, I realized I could hardly hear out of my left ear and I hadn't felt the baby move for awhile. She took me to the hospital and they told me I had a busted eardrum and my baby wasnt really moving but he had a fant heartbeat. They hooked me up to the machines to monitor the baby's heart. Then I guess the baby decided he wanted to come now. They gave me medication to stop early labor and contractions. I ended up stopping labor but he came about two weeks later. By then I was nine months and he was fully developed and safe to come out into the world.
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