The Controlling Factor

Patrick Covington is asking question of day for all women and men; do men not have feelings and emotions? Why is it when men express how they feel in a relationship they are being controlling or insecure about things? THE FLOOR IS OPEN!!!


Javoris Ryan Webster at 7:07am April 28 via Facebook Mobile
We do but its part of of nature...sumn dat we cant help...to actually express those feelings cuz at times guys feel as tho if we expressed them that women would take advantage of da side thats not really shown the most and trust...females do it and wear it out. But fareal we do.....but we really just dont show it. Cant help it at times...

Tommy "Young Fly Richy" Cash at 7:10am April 28
cause in my opinion most men lack how skills on how to communicate with a woman..then another thing we been socialized to believe that if a man expresses feelings or emotions..that he is a bitch...so when it comes its gone be on some controlling or insecure ish..becuase if he breaks down..the majority of the time..we tthink that man is weak..But I was reading the bible the other day..and notice that most real men express feelings, they cried, they showed emotions, they touched into that side of they personality. I really think its messed up that a man cant express his emotions, cause when he does..its like oh he is week for the most part..its very rare you get to hear that another person will respect when a man shows his feelings..

Patrick Covington at 7:17am April 28
I agree 100% Society has broke the black man down. Once a man tells his woman baby I don' t agree with this and that he is being controlling. Women if a man tells you he don't agree with something you should listen because he is warning you. Most men have talked to their women and they don't listen and then he goes to start talking about his problems to another woman and things happen. But who fault is it really!

Kami Smith at 7:20am April 28 via Facebook Mobile
Men express their feelings only when their mad or don't want their women to do something...its never sweetie I think about you all day its man bae I thought about what you did all day, I don't think I like that....and its not bae I wanna spend more time together b/c I miss you its man bae I don't like how I can't go anywhere without you askin where im going...its like damn im askin to see if I wanna volunteer to ride to spend more time with you or to see how long its gonna be before I see you again...men get mad and don't ask questions...guys are afraid to open up a lil bit...that's the problem...if would would open up and be willin to give women wouldn't have any troubles...

Tommy "Young Fly Richy" Cash at 7:21am April 28
thats true, thats a very true point because..most women wonder why..he did this or did that..when he tried to tell you, you rejected now he is cheating..Guys cheat for one reason..in my opinion because a woman didnt do something,they aint listen or something of that nature..ITS NOT ALWAYS CAN YOU AINT FUCK HIM..its other reasons out there to

Tommy "Young Fly Richy" Cash at 7:24am April 28
kami i would say maybe thats the guy you delt with..ima express my feelings wethere you like it or not..But it doesnt make me less of a man. Sometimes its so much pressure put up on the man that he gotta do this or do that..and all this other shit going on..that its like he dont have time to express feelings..not sayign that a woman has alot of stuff to do. I also notice..that most women ..dont want no "Soft Ass Nigga" and waht does that mean..that he cant express feeligns to emotionally, cant cry, cant lean on ya shoulder, cant do that..I hear women always say i want a man who gone be a man..do we even know what a true man is...?

Patrick Covington at 7:27am April 28
Kami one thing you have to learn about men is that a man will take a lot before he snaps. True we should not let it get to that point but we allow women to correct the problem before the problem gets out of control. Next when a woman see something wrong they wanted it correct ASAP when a man brings something to your attention it is always you aint my daddy, you don't trust me etc.. Men are afraid to open because of the fear of how women will view it. There are a lot of men that will ask how a woman day is and can he cook and can she roll with him.

Kami Smith at 7:30am April 28 via Facebook Mobile
Lol...actually me and my dude talk about everything and there are plenty of guys that do say what they feel and its not so much the im fallin for you or I love you emotion...and women don't want a man that's a punk...meaning I don't want you to just let me and everybody else run over you...have something behind...like I know I can do and have whatever I want when it comes to my dude but he's far from soft...I know that he will get mad and go off just from his interacting with other people...but yeah express your feelings just don't cry about everything...lol

Tommy "Young Fly Richy" Cash at 7:31am April 28
but what if he did cry about eveyrthing..is that what society says dont make a man..or is that what GOD says dont make a man...Jesus cried alot...

Kami Smith at 7:35am April 28 via Facebook Mobile
Pat women are like that b/c we say practical things that we don't like men say I don't like those clothes...hair...tone of voice...lol...stupid stuff like that...women then say nigga who you talkin too you aint my daddy...lol...its cool to not like something but let me change it on my own...if I wanna be with you I will...don't keep stressing just say it and keep it pushin...lol...guys have evolved a lot...lol...I can't say that yall don't communicate better b/c I have run into a few and I was like wow...and guys are more willing to learn now and they actually cook...lol...I can't just bash yall...

Kami Smith at 7:37am April 28 via Facebook Mobile
That's what society said but would you wanted a stern hard girl who showed no emotion...but what person wants anyone that cries a lot anyway...lol

Patrick Covington at 7:38am April 28
How the hell we get to this crying stage lol.. We are talking about how women attack a man for calling things to their attention. All men aint comfortable with certain things a woman and should be able to express it.. We need some more women to comment and see what they think.

Tommy "Young Fly Richy" Cash at 7:39am April 28
lol im just saying ..lol i dont know how it led to crying

Patrick Covington at 7:44am April 28
Hell I aint that crying dude but when I get to a point where I don't like something and it aint change I will express myself in full force.. I don’t think a man should beg a woman to stop or start doing something. I agree say it and push on! When it keeps happening then it becomes disrespect to the man because you viewed him and being weak.

Tommy "Young Fly Richy" Cash at 7:44am April 28
yep..so true

Kami Smith at 7:48am April 28 via Facebook Mobile
And I agree and that's when the dude should leave b/c you asked and if she cared she would of changed it...and it shouldn't take a few mths for the change...sometimes women can be selfish and not give a damn and @ those times men should keep movin b/c women always tryin to keep it movin...

Patrick Covington at 7:55am April 28
Kami I agree with you but you know what men are very emotional creatures and when we love we love hard and to some it is harder for man stop loving a woman. For a man to try to get over a woman we will go sleep with plenty of women and fill empty but that one woman is still in his mind. That is why most real men try their best to fix what they have instead of looking for the next female. Also after you get a certain age we get tired of running and playing the field. But I guess we can't win all the time.

Kim Thomas at 8:02am April 28 via Facebook Mobile
I think that sometimes its in the approach. Just like a man doesnt want a woman up in his ear yelling and telling him what to or not to do, a woman feels the same way. Plus, there needs to be a reason as to why you disagree with something im doing (or wearing in some women's cases.) If you dont want me to do something, why? Dont just tell me " because". Thats not a valid reason. Especially if youre doing the same thing. When i was younger, the guy i dated never wanted me to go out with my girls, but never told me why; he just wanted me to stay home or hang out with him. He on the other hand went out when he felt like it. That, IMO, isnt fair. Had i said the same to him, I wouldve wrong. So give reasoning.

Kim Thomas at 8:03am April 28 via Facebook Mobile
But that above is on some basic, petty shit. Overall, I like a man thats able to express himself. If you need to cry, vent, or whatever, I want you to feel comfortable doing it with me. Life is too hard for black men period, so they shouldnt have to keep shit in all the time. And Tommy, you are right; a lot of men cheat not only bc of sex (some are hoes and do but not all, lol) but bc they couldnt openly communicate with their woman and found someone who would listen. Women need to take heed to that shit-a dude isnt soft bc he needs to express himself-its an opportunity to bond on a deeper level.

Patrick Covington at 8:08am April 28
Kim that is controlling when a dude comes off like that I agree about stay at home.. When a man can give you a valid reason for why he feels a certain way then it is on you.

Kim Thomas at 8:12am April 28 via Facebook Mobile
Right. Then if you choose to do whatever, dont get mad when the tables get turned or you ass gets dumped.

Kim Thomas at 8:24am April 28 via Facebook Mobile
And what is wrong with a guy crying sometimes? Id much rather you cry than knock the shit out of me or grabbing me bc youre frustrated (bc when yall are super upset those are the only options). Yeah, if i find out you were crying while watching The Lion King when Mustafah died ima give you the side eye (lol) but on some day to day life/real shit? Theres nothing wrong with it. Sorry but ive been with a dude who had issues with expression and telling your friends "girl he grabbed me and shook me upside the wall" aint cute AT ALL.

Patrick Covington at 8:31am April 28
Hell I cried on Lion King lol j/k I think there is nothing wrong with a man showing emotions.. I have to be really upset for that. People forget that the world can kick your ass at times and you at times just try to deal with things without putting your woman in it but it gets heavy at times

Chiquita Spears at 8:53am April 28
Pat this is a good question...Ive been wondering the same thing lately..Ive come to learn that alot of men have feelings and emotions they just don't know how to go about showing them..Alot of times it goes back to what they saw when they was growing up affection plays a part in this too because if when you were a child and you never saw your parents saying I Love U or hugging and kissing each other then you tend to believe that's not the way to do things I had a guy tell me that his mom told him the way to keep a woman happy was to shower her with gifts and if you run into a chick like me that is just not good enough we as women need the compliments, the hugs, the I Love U's the affection part of a relationship too if that's where we are in our relationship and just because you cry doesnt mean that you a re a punk ass N***A...

Kim Thomas at 8:54am April 28 via Facebook Mobile
Right. So to me, for a man to cry he's been pushed past his limit and we need to take a second to listen instead of judging or talking crazy. Ya'll have emotions just like we do. The only time Ive not been as understanding is when the person was playing games and trying to use it to justify the sneaky ish they were doing (but thats on a different topic, lol). Usually though, I want you feel secure enough that you can cry with me (i.e. cry in my arms instead of HER bed).

Chiquita Spears at 8:55am April 28
Kim I totally agree..we have to listen more and complain less...

Kim Thomas at 9:06am April 28 via Facebook Mobile
Chiquita, you are so right with what you said. Some guys didnt witness their parents showing affection towards each other so they think a gift is enough. I mean its sweet but Id much rather get handwritten notes, hugs, you not be scared to hold my hand in public, etc, sometimes. The little things count the most and if you come across a guy that doesnt do those things, show him that its ok. Itll pay off in the long run.

Patrick Covington at 9:19am April 28
My mom was a single parent and didn't show me a lot because she made sure her kids had the best. I learned a lot from the streets a whole lot.. I had to learn in life on how to treat a woman some good and bad. I use to be hard on women very! The older I got the more I saw that as people everyone just wants to be loved and be secure that is it.. Life has made us so bitter to each other. We can't express how we feel about things without being attacked. I think anyone should be able to say what they feel inside and if you are truly in love the other party should take into account how you may feel. But I guess things are so different.

Chiquita Spears at 9:25am April 28
Pat that is so true all we as people want is to love and be loved in return but it's so hard for some men once they have been hurt to let go of the past and move on they tend to have insecurities that they bring to the new relationship that makes it hard on the new girl to deal with then that's when you decide what you will and will not deal with becuase u might have a good guy that will do any and everything for you but his insecurities are causing problems in the relationship..

Patrick Covington at 9:32am April 28
I think women need to understand one thing about men we don't get over hurt and pain like you think we do. We fight a lot of things inside of us.. When we express things that are valid it is because of something we have seen before in our life. I have had best friends set me up and put my life in front of my woman, dudes disrespect in my face and I stood back to keep drama down I have seen it all. But when I snap I am not the guy you would not want to be around because only GOD then can calm me down. So when we talk about how we feel we are doing this to let you know we are on edge at times.

Kim Thomas at 9:44am April 28 via Facebook Mobile
Pat, I think not taking the time to get to really know your partner plays a role in that. Think of how many people are in relationships yet they really dont know who the person is. Then, when times get hard, they are surprised with how that person handles the situation. Guys have looked at me strange and told me I was asking "too personal questions " before. Really? How many siblings you have is too personal? Lol thats crazy. Sorry but Id like to know who you are before I get all boo'd up with you.

Patrick Covington at 9:57am April 28
Kim you should know because I ask millions of questions if I am going to deal with you I am going to ask I have that right. So people should be able to ask questions and if you dealing with a person they should be able to answer.

Chris Bell at 11:18pm April 28
basically, men don't want to be "boxed in".....women want to wear the boxers and the thongs...don't choose to be vulnerable when conveniant...let men be men.